Better then nothing

Feb 29th 2024

Well what a whirlwind February was. I don't know to or where to start, i don't even know if i'm ready.

i'm not.

March 5th 2024

Equal parts internal chaos and rest. It really was a peaceful restful 4 weeks spent back in my “home” town.

I say “home” because home is where the heart is and while all our family is there, i moved so much as a kid and through out my life that i left so many pieces of my heart in many places and i’ve brought all the memories all the good, bad , the sad i carry so much of my past with me but the Mornington Peninsula will always feel like my true home. It’s where my grandfather and my Aunt are, its i left the biggest chunk of my heart. It’s where i had so many of my firsts, its where my babies where born and i met and started a family with the love of my life, I also had alot of loss and hard choices more often then not i made the wrong ones, some out of fear, and some out of necessity so being “home” having my family support system around me seeing my kids flourish in love and happiness with their grandparents, aunts and uncle as their bonds and memories grow made my heart full, warm. For the safe space held and support provided i’ll forever be grateful, but “home” isn’t a comfortable place anymore it never really was not while i keep carrying all that baggage and never really unpacking it.

I spent the better part of the time spent visiting home either sorting out our storage container wondering if selling off our old items was a mistake or i was in bed was it the exhaustion or was it the depression.??

The Kids where hardly with us so we got that down time we needed we had some alone time and Luke and i got to spend some time together with out a child screaming or pull on one of us, which after 2 years of us living in basically a box in each other pockets and kids on our toes we desperately needed that, more then we knew.

March 6th 2024

March 12th 2024 

Getting used to being on the road again and finding the balance of work, life, mum is proving difficult especially since i spent the last few months in this depressive state that just about had me turn my life upside down and inside out but also made me reevaluate and put things into perspective.

The positive of that is that I have been that low before but I’ve also done a shit tonne of personal development so asking for help, giving myself time, space, love and forgiveness was the hardest but best thing I could have done. Because my mindset doesn’t just effect me it effects my whole family and more importantly it effects my kids so it’s something I have to keep on top of, no matter how much i really don’t want to do the work. 

I often question my ability to be a mother and I do my best and I wonder what trauma I’ll pass on to them, They are my everything I don’t want them to have any trauma or pain ever but that’s not realistic, i just hope that my showing them to take care of yourself mind, body and spirit, living to my values, teaching them wrong for right then I’m paving a path and giving them the tools to deal with their own traumas in a healthy way before it consumes them like it has me over and over. 

It was actually my friends Emma who made me realise my kids will have some kind of pain, trauma from their childhood regardless of how hard I work for them not too all I can do is my best and give them unconditional love and support.  Thank you Emma you are one of the greatest kindest humans I am grateful to have crossed paths with. 

I tell ya what I’m pretty excited to start my 21 Day stripped back challenge I’m supposed to have started it today but that didn’t happen so tomorrow it is 😂 

I’ve done it a couple times and I always feel Ah-May-Zing after the first week anyway. It’s like a full body Detox but also fat loss accelerated program that has strict but simple guidelines to follow and it’s only 21 days! 9kgs I lost last time, I was stronger mentally and physically and much more energised I really need this reset right now after the last few months and lack of any healthy decisions weight gain, and familiar body aches returning. 

Curious to see that comes next for us throughout South Australia, stopping for work and building the funds is a must! Im looking forward to that so we can finally fix the car properly not feel like I’m drowning and have some financial freedom back get something we need for the caravan just to make life easier to be honest nothing out of necessity we have more then we need but who doesn’t love the feeling ease, luxury & Fun. Whether that be in SA or WA I don’t know I hoping both but it’s not entirely up to me as Luke really doesn’t like to work I mean who does.. (besides me 😆) and he has to go out and do the work cause he can make double of not triple what I can in half the amount of time. Meanwhile I work on my brand and business in and around my free time and the kiddos which to be honest at their age I don’t think I’d want to be anywhere else but with them despite what my ego makes me think and say when others ask me if I would like to go back to traditional work don’t get me wrong I do love  working, I would love to go back to traditional work just not yet. 

I struggle staying consistent with my online brand and business because it’s so personal to me and I am not good at working from my heart not yet anyway I’m working on it I have a lot of blocks and walls while I’ve knocked down many of them there is still a few to get past. Now that I’m starting to feel less zombie & human again I’m going to get through them! 

April 15th 2024

I’ve been a pancake for a while now … is his response to April asking how her dad knows not to put too much butter in pancakes while he teaches the kids to make them, and that is one of the reasons I love that man.

We’ve been teaching the kids to cook and ohh  boy is it both frustrating and rewarding, i am learning to relinquish control (that I desperately feel comfortable in) and to not just to give into the mess but enjoy the fun and process of learning measurements, techniques, experiencing new flavours, bonding and creating memories.

As You know we have been travelling though South Australia in the direction of  WA, slowly on the move as the current budget will allow but also stopping to enjoy some of the beautiful and magical places SA has to offer. The Eyre Peninsula coast line has not disappointed I feel like is has started to fill me with inspiration and peace.

Until next time Legends 🫶